


Wanna Have His Babies

by Raisintorte



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-19
Updated: 2008-03-19
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raisintorte/pseuds/Raisintorte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love him wanna have his babies, only problem is he hates me." - <i>He Hates Me</i> by Sarah Johns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanna Have His Babies

**Author's Note:**

> For siraeve in the Ronon_Love thing-a-thon. From the prompt: Ronon/Vala, comedy of errors. Thanks to wojelah for cheerleading and beating - I need both, smittywing for her fine word smithing skillz and tie breaking abilities, and triciabyrne1978 and tessere_ for their super helpful betas.

"Well, I couldn't possibly have foreseen that reaction!" Vala grumbled, walking faster to try and keep Ronon from simply dragging her behind him by her arm. "That trick worked all the time back in my galaxy."

"I'm sure it did." Ronon said without glancing back.

Vala had just about had enough. He had been practically towing her along for over a mile with no signs of slowing down. They were still a fair bit away from the gate and her feet and arm were starting to get sore. "Would you please slow down? Or let me go, maybe?" She gave a cute little smile, the one that usually worked on most males butRonon was staring straight ahead, marching on like a man on a mission.

"No." Ronon still didn't turn back as he spoke. He was walking along at such a fast pace she was taking two steps to his one to just keep up.

If she couldn't get him to look at her, she wouldn't be able to use her wiles on him. "Ronon, please?" She tried to interject a note of desperation and piteousness into her voice. When that garnered no reaction, she tried a new tactic: shifting the blame. "How was I to know that insinuating I would trade sexual favors for knowledge was a big no-no here?"

Ronon snorted, but kept going. "You could have asked me before you groped one of our more lucrative trading partners."

Vala rolled her eyes - not that he was paying attention to her or anything. "Yes, and if I had told you the plan ahead of time, I wouldn't have had the much needed element of surprise!"

"You mean you know I would have stopped you." Ronon ground out, clearly still annoyed. "Three years on Atlantis and I manage to avoid all sorts of weird off-world rituals. One mission with you and I'm going back married!"

The man was such a drama queen. It was one tiny marriage. She had been married so many times she had lost count. "Oh please - it's not like that's a hardship. I mean, you're married to me! All of my previous husbands found it rather enjoyable. Well, most of them."

"Says you." Ronon finally glanced back to cast her disbelieving look. "I'm sure they would tell a different story."

"That's it!" Vala stopped walking and dug her heels into the ground. Ronon dragged her a few steps and stopped. He might have been annoyed with her, but he clearly didn't want to hurt her. "The damage is done. According to the people of this lovely planet, we are married. Now why we are racing back to the gate as if the world was about to end?"

"Because the sooner we get off this planet, the sooner we are no longer in a place that considers us married." Ronon glared at her, but his words lacked heat.

Vala leaned against the tree; still catching her breath. She could tell he was wearing down a bit - if she played her cards right, he would be over his annoyance by the time they got back to the gate and he wouldn't mention to anyone the little mishap with the trading partner. Or the wedding. Sam had made her promise to behave, after all. "What, I don't get a wedding night? That's rather disappointing." Vala looked him up and down, grinning suggestively, making sure she lingered over certain key areas.

"No." Ronon said flatly.

Vala gave him what she had found to be her most effective seductive look. "I've been told that the wedding night is one of the best parts of being married to me."

"Guess I'll miss out on that one." The man was clearly made of stone.

If she knew him better, she'd be able to tell if he was still genuinely irritated. There was always the possibility that he was just messing with her at this point as part of some wacky Pegasus punishment scheme. She huffed a bit. "I do not see why you are upset about this! I just flirted with a local! You -"Vala paused to poke Ronon in the chest - "were the one that actually got us married. If you hadn't said we were engaged, they wouldn't have made us get married!"

"If I hadn't said we were engaged, you would either be married to that idiot or strung up for being a prostitute! I didn't see you coming up with any better ideas." Ronon's tone gave her the distinct impression he was still a little put out by the whole ordeal.

"You had a gun! They did not! You have a stun setting. They did not!" In fact, Vala had started to suggest he use them when they'd been back at the market, but Ronon had put his hand over her mouth to quiet her. She guessed he thought she couldn't get into more trouble if she was silent - she was still a little annoyed with him about that.

"I married you because unlike you, I like to be able to show my face on planets during repeat visits and not be thrown into the local jail." Oh yes, still put out.

"I don't _like_ to be thrown in jail - it just happens. Anyway - regardless of fault - we're married now!" She smiled as she said the last bit, trying to lighten the mood. Clearly, arguing with the man wasn't going to earn his forgiveness, so she decided to put a positive spin on the situation.

"Teal'c warned me there would be trouble when I told him I was escorting you to the traders' market. I should have listened." Ronon shook his head ruefully as he spoke.

"He did not! Teal'c loves me!" She couldn't believe Teal'c would talk - okay, she could totally believe it, but still.

"Yes, he clearly does. He is, however, aware of your many, many . . . quirks." Ronon's lips turned up a bit at the corners.

Vala glared at Ronon. "Well, then, maybe you should have." She said, pouting.

"Enough. I'm not actually upset and you aren't actually hurt. We're getting off this planet before the locals decide a forced wedding wasn't sufficient punishment. Besides - I'm looking forward to the look on McKay's face when I tell him we're married." Ronon pushed himself away from the tree and motioned her ahead of him.

"Oh!! We're telling people! Too bad I'm heading back to earth tomorrow - I bet we could have gotten them to throw us a party! And presents! I love presents! I could extend my -"

"No." Ronon's reply wasn't very loud, but Vala got the full force of the word even so. She was about to say something in her defense when Ronon picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, causing her to squeak in surprise.

"Put me down!" She pounded her fists against his back - not that she didn't like being manhandled on occasion. She just usually liked to be asked first.

"No." Ronon gripped her legs a bit tighter and walked faster.

"Fine! Just for this I'm keeping any gifts of gold, valuable heirlooms, or any of those little blender things we may get as a result of this union." Vala tried to pout, but it was hard pouting with your ass hanging over a man's shoulder.

Ronon was silent during the trek back to the gate and Vala finally gave up, accepting the indignity of being carried like a sack of potatoes. She thought he would put her down when they reached the DHD but he dialed and entered his IDC with her still firmly held against his shoulder. She'd traveled in worse positions, but there was a bit of principle here - he was her husband!

Sam, Teal'c, and Rodney were waiting in the gate room when they stepped through. From her position Vala couldn't see their faces, but she could hear the muffled giggles.

"Have a nice trip?" Vala heard Sam ask in a dry tone.

"It was great. We're married." Ronon's tone was quite at odds with his words. Vala was about to protest about still being over his shoulder when he swung her into his arms, still supporting her back and legs. She thought he might put her down, but he walked right up to Teal'c and handed her over. "And as her husband, I'm giving her to you." Teal'c accepted (which was good - if he hadn't, she would have fallen) and Ronon backed away. Vala could hear Sam giggling and glared at her. Sam gave her an apologetic smile, but continued smirking.

Teal'c was still holding Vala when Ronon turned and headed out of the gate room. Vala was entirely incapable of leaving well enough alone, so she made one last attempt to coax him into a smile "Oh, come on! Marrying me wasn't so horrible. We could have had adorable babies!"

Ronon paused at the edge of the gate room and shook his head slightly. For a second, Vala thought he was going to continue walking but he turned around. She nudged Teal'c to let her down and walked over to where he stood. Ronon leaned down and she thought he was going to say something, but instead he hauled her up against him into a hug and kissed her on the cheek. "You're one of a kind, Vala Mal Doran."

Then Ronon smacked her on her butt and walked out of the gate room, and all she could do was stare after him - speechless.


End file.
